Airport Guy

Okay, I've finally had enough. I must speak out about the "guy" in the airport security line. You know who I'm talking about. The "guy" can be a man or a woman, but the plumbing doesn't change the descriptive pronoun. The hoops they make you jump through are absolutely insane. I'd rant about those, but then I'd get a knock on my door and an invitation to Gitmo where I can wait with baited breath to be released by our new president while not getting waterboarded. Moving on.
I think most of the things they make us do are silly, but I know what they are. Yes they change between airports, which I think is weird considering those announcements they repeat over and over at volumes usually reserved for rock concerts and teenagers with earbuds, but they are all basically the same.
So once again, for the guy who lives in a cave and listens to an AM radio while eating WWII army rations, this is about you.
I show up to the airport in plenty of time because I know the "guy" will be in line with me. There may be several in any given line, but there's always at least one. I have nothing better to do than show up to the airport 2 1/2 hours early to wait in a line with 50 other people who know what they're doing, so we can watch the idiots fish their economy sized shampoo and perfume/cologne out of their bags while they argue with the security people about this stupid "new" rule. And, they say, "when did we have to start taking out our laptops and taking off our shoes?". My response is always the same, "It was about the time they stopped letting 2 dozen people through security to see one person get on a plane." That's one rule I love. I must admit, I'm a bit of an elitist. I always hated losing my chair to a lady who was there to watch her second cousins brother head off to nanny in Boston.
Where was I, oh yeah, I remember stupid people. So here's the plan. I think the all powerful Oz (TSA) should pass rule number 32574.067 requiring people to take an airport security test prior to being allowed to check in at the kiosks in the airport, that way the only other people to be slowed down are the ones too stupid to check in at home.
I'm out-