Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ned's -v- Steve's

It's been argued about for years, it's caused families to stop speaking, and it's probably the most important debate not covered by the press:
Ned's Crazy Sub or Steve's, which is better?
In a time where all of our attention is directed to the struggling economy and all our hope rests on the recovery of the housing market, we need to maintain our focus on the important things in life. You can always buy another house or get another job. You can certainly get rid of the gym memberships and fancy cell phones. You can even believe the government is out to get us. What you can't do is lose sight of what makes a sub sandwich great.
Some say it's the bread. I can't argue with them, the bread has to be light enough to be a compliment to the sandwich without overtaking it. On the other hand, it has to have enough flavor to bring something of its own to the table.
Others might argue it's the meat and cheese. If you don't have high quality meat you might as well eat Subway. I think if you add the word loaf to the end of your meat choice (i.e. turkey loaf, ham loaf) you're going to have a good idea of what you're getting over there (at Subway). So anytime you're going to have a debate about good subs, you have to have good meat.
Still others might argue it's the toppings. Good lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, and other veggies as well as the mayo, mustard, vinegar and oil are critical to a superior sandwich.
I think each person would have a good argument, but you'd be hard pressed to decide that any one can be sacrificed in the building of an outstanding sandwich.
Now we get back to the meat and potatoes of my post. Ned's versus Steve's, who's better? I've heard people claim Ned's has better bread. Some say Steve's has better meat. I've decided to render my opinion. Mostly because this is my blog and I figure you read it because you think I'm a genius, but also because I'm right and somebody needs to have the rocks to say it out loud.

THEY'RE THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of the time spent driving from Queen Creek (you know who you are) to Gilbert and Southern when you could stop at Signal Butte, is wasted. THEY'RE THE SAME! I've spoken to people inside both organizations. They use the same bread. That's right, I said it, the same bread. From the same bakery delivered on the same trucks. They use the same meat from the same suppliers. The same toppings. Am I making sense to you people. If they were both called Ned's you people wouldn't drive the extra 8 miles just to go to the Gilbert location, stop it. You say you would, but you wouldn't. You don't drive the extra 3 to go to the Chili's on Power, so stop kidding yourself.
For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry. This hasn't been a waste for you though. It applies to everything in our lives. Shake off the tradition and try something new. Heck, if you're lucky it might even be the same as the old.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Airport Guy

Okay, I've finally had enough. I must speak out about the "guy" in the airport security line. You know who I'm talking about. The "guy" can be a man or a woman, but the plumbing doesn't change the descriptive pronoun. The hoops they make you jump through are absolutely insane. I'd rant about those, but then I'd get a knock on my door and an invitation to Gitmo where I can wait with baited breath to be released by our new president while not getting waterboarded. Moving on.
I think most of the things they make us do are silly, but I know what they are. Yes they change between airports, which I think is weird considering those announcements they repeat over and over at volumes usually reserved for rock concerts and teenagers with earbuds, but they are all basically the same.
So once again, for the guy who lives in a cave and listens to an AM radio while eating WWII army rations, this is about you.
I show up to the airport in plenty of time because I know the "guy" will be in line with me. There may be several in any given line, but there's always at least one. I have nothing better to do than show up to the airport 2 1/2 hours early to wait in a line with 50 other people who know what they're doing, so we can watch the idiots fish their economy sized shampoo and perfume/cologne out of their bags while they argue with the security people about this stupid "new" rule. And, they say, "when did we have to start taking out our laptops and taking off our shoes?". My response is always the same, "It was about the time they stopped letting 2 dozen people through security to see one person get on a plane." That's one rule I love. I must admit, I'm a bit of an elitist. I always hated losing my chair to a lady who was there to watch her second cousins brother head off to nanny in Boston.
Where was I, oh yeah, I remember stupid people. So here's the plan. I think the all powerful Oz (TSA) should pass rule number 32574.067 requiring people to take an airport security test prior to being allowed to check in at the kiosks in the airport, that way the only other people to be slowed down are the ones too stupid to check in at home.
I'm out-

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Reality TV-American Idol I

Okay, so I know I already posted one this week, but I can't hold my tongue any longer. This is about reality TV in general not just American Idol, so keep that in mind as you sit at your desk sipping from your DWTS (that's Dancing With the Stars) or Americas Next Top Model coffee mug thinking what losers the fans of Idol are.
I don't get it.

I mean, I watch it. Everybody does. When people claim they don't watch reality TV, then you have to believe they'd claim they don't sing at the top of their lungs when the Carpenters come on the radio while they're alone in their cars. EVERYBODY watches some kind of reality TV. For the purposes of this rant, however, I'll isolate my comments to the shows that involve voting. Most of them involve some form of public voting, but there are still shows where the results are decided by three or more judges. Actually, most use some form of combining the two throughout the season.

So, back to the subject. I can't believe how many people vote. American Idol had something like 69 million votes last night. 69 million is a lot of people, especially when nobody watches. What I'd like to do is give this a little perspective. This is a singing competition where America votes for the person they like. Did I get that right, the person they like? I've seen phrases batted about such as, "...I'm shocked and saddened by the results" and "...I can't believe how wrong this is", oh how about my favorite, "...a travesty". Are you kidding me!
Those who know me know that I'm not a tree hugging environmentalist, I don't like animals anywhere but on my plate, and I don't give a crap about politics, but really? Who got voted off (by the way that could be a whole other post, this isn't Survivor people, you don't vote someone "off" American Idol) isn't and never will be a "travesty", should never "shock or sadden us", and it certainly isn't "wrong". It's a TV show. Incest, rape, child abuse, kidnapping, those are things you could describe using those words, not who doesn't get to sing on TV next week.
Am I wrong? I mean there are some times when I get upset. When I saw the results show from Hells Kitchen last year, I was actually nervous for the contestants. I was ticked when the wrong guy won. I was more angry at the results of the Next Food Network Star than I was about the elections. EVER. Not this years elections, but any elections ever.
So here we are, sitting at a precipice. What can I say? Only this.........

I really think Kris Allen should win AI because he has talent and he's relevant. Adam will make a great lead singer for an 80's cover band, Gokey will do fine because he's the next incarnation of Michael Bolton. Allison, I'm not going to say America got it wrong, but..........

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Facebook I

I'm writing what I hope will be the first of many blogs about the New World Order. I have so many things to say and although I can't discuss them all right now, I hope to live long enough to be able to perfect this new age of communication known as the blogosphere. Please bear with me as I try and get my thoughts on paper, or whatever this would be called.
Where was I? Oh yes, Facebook. Facebook has some really great attributes. It allows us to innocently stalk our flames of yesteryear, it gives us the ability to post years old pictures of ourselves (you know, the ones where we had a little more hair and a little less weight), it gives us the ability to make fun of those people who don't know you're supposed to post older better looking pictures of ourselves, and it even gives people free reign to completely slaughter the English language a time.
What's not to love? How could someone find a complaint about a community that lets you whine about everything from your job, to your chores, to your church, and even your spouse for the whole world to see. Especially when the list of your friends (for those who live in a cave or have recently emerged from a coma, that would be a list of the people who can read your comments, see your pictures, and in turn comment on them) includes co-workers, your parents, the people you go to church with, and yes your spouse. What's not to love. I can't wait for the first time I see someone ask for a divorce on their spouses wall (once again for the remedial group, your wall is where you and others post comments for your friends and their friends to see). I've seen everything else, why not that? So here we are at a crossroads. I plan do post several essays on the subject but for now I think I'll just give one piece of advice. Writing on Facebook is today's version of passing a note in class, except the whole school gets to read it and comment on it, except with this one you can never claim it isn't yours (or is you'res? Maybe is theirs, or they'res, or even theres or there's. Oh, who can tell any more.